I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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