Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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