nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
