It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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