Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
