things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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