i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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