I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
