Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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