Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
