I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
