peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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