I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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