Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
