i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
