she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I need a burrito and a hug.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
