i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
