Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
