he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
