Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
