we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
