I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
