Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
