Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
