Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
