I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
