I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
even my farts smell like vagina
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want nice things and good sex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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