Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She bit a glass in half.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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