my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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