I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
