There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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