Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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