she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
