I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
