Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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