Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
People in love make me want to vomit
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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