if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
