I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
