ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
