Don't make out with my wife yet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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