My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
did i just pee glitter
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
