Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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