So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
