why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
