I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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