Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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