Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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