now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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