Sry I called you an 8
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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