So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
