Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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