thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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