who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
