just tell him i said nine months
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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