We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
