This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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