I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
