My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
