We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
