I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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