Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
