pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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