You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
