Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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