I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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