dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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