So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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