Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize