yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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