I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
