I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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