So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
