I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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