i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize