Don't make out with my wife yet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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