It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
