Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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